Why do you do this to me
by HawkEclipsed
Summary: Short incomplete Frerad angsty feels.


Gerard yawned widely, stretching his arms above his head and pointing his toes. He frowned as his hands hit the bunk walls, preventing him from stretching further. He looked to Frank's bunk and found him snoring cutely, drool dripping down one side of his mouth. Gerard chuckled evilly and stretched out and without touching the floor, shoved himself in Frankie's bunk. Frank moved in his sleep, frowning at the lack of space as Gerard made himself comfortable. Gerard smiled softly at the look on his face and leaned over him, kissing his cheek. Frank's eyes fluttered open and he gazed at his friend sleepily.

"Hey." He yawned, his voice rough with sleep.

"Hey, Frankie." Gerard whispered back, not wanting to wake the others.

Frank smiled at him with his eyes closed, leaning his head on Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard's smile turned just a bit sad. It was hard. It had always been. Gerard had once said he never acted on stage and he meant every word. But Frank was in love with some girl that Gerard didn't care to remember the name of. It was strange but he didn't even know what she looked like. How could he not remember the name of the person who was in the way of his happiness? Though he supposed it wasn't her fault. She'd never done anything wrong. She was just as in love as Frank. That's why he stayed away. He didn't want to snap at her. If he couldn't have his happiness, he'd let them have theirs.

Every once in a while, he'd just…fall. He'd curse himself for never making a move, curse himself for wasting his time grinning with the insane amounts of alcohol running through his system. And then he'd drink, and he'd cry. Cry for what he isn't sure he could have ever had in the first place. He felt like he was alone in an endless tunnel and there was no light in it. He was surrounded by people so absorbed in their happiness that they wouldn't reach out a hand and save him from drowning in misery.

He released a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding and pulled himself away from Frank slightly. He answered Frank's confused and slightly hurt frown with a fake smile and stood up from the bunk. He slowly walked toward the bathroom, fake smile firmly in place as tears pooled in his eyes and dripped down his pale cheeks, gathering on his smiling lips…

Just a couple more steps and he could collapse in peace.

Frank reached out and grabbed Gerard's arm. He'd seen the tears in his eyes, the plastic his smile was made of and it broke him inside. He tried to reach into his mind, asked himself if Gee had been like this for long but he couldn't remember. All he could remember was her. Her smiling, her laughing, her talking. It's like he'd forgotten about Gee. The closest image he could summon up was of about two weeks ago, everyone was hanging out with their girlfriends and friends and Gee was looking at the TV, his eyes not following the picture at all.

Gerard didn't turn around, he kept staring at some empty spot on the wall, lips frozen in a smile he didn't mean, tears running down his smooth skin. He waited. He waited for Frank to say something, anything at all even though he knew it was too late. He had waited before too. He had waited for Frank to turn around and notice the sheer amount of pain he was in but he never did. It was much too late now. They stood like that for a few minutes, the smile on Gerard's face getting bitterer with each passing second.

He ripped his arm out of Frank's hand and walked away.

Frank stood there long after Gerard had left and locked himself in the bathroom, his arm reaching out to touch something that was no longer there. He sunk to the ground and buried his face in his hands after he realized just how long he'd been standing there. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

He got up slowly and walked to the bathroom door. He knocked gently.

_Knock Knock_

Silence.

"Gerard?" he tried, whispering lightly.

Everyone else was still asleep. It seemed strange to him really, his emotions were so loud inside of him and his thoughts were running everywhere, screaming at him. It was strange that nobody else could hear something that he could hear so loudly.

"Nobody's home." A cracked, broken voice replied.

Frank tried the door handle.

The door swung open.

Gerard was sitting slumped over on the door, tear tracks staining his face and making his hair stick to him. There was a bottle beside him and it was, worryingly, nearly empty. Gerard took a deep, shuddering breath as Frank kneeled in front of him.

"I'm not okay."

Frank didn't know how long he sat there just holding Gerard in his arms, rocking him back and forth and whispering to him.

_I'm here now._

_I got you._

_We're gonna be okay._

The next day, Frank called Jamia and called it off with her, using the flimsy excuse that the band was very important to him right now and he wanted to focus on it. She didn't believe him and he didn't care.

"Gerard." He whispered to the sleeping boy, stroking his hair out of his face. He had fallen asleep on the floor and Frank had somehow managed to drag his larger frame into his bunk, squeezing in after him. Gerard opened his eyes, slowly, black strands of hair falling back into his face. His lips parted slightly and he looked at Frank with and adorably confused expression on his face. Frank nearly smiled, but Gerard's eyes were red.

Gerard sat up slightly.


End file.
